NUMB

Happy Poetry Day! 😉

Do you know the feeling

Of loneliness?

No, not that.

People think it’s quietness,

Tears,

Pathetic.

But that’s not true.

It’s this

Loudness

That you can never run away from.

It makes you

Curl up against a wall,

Hands holding your knees against your chest,

As if it’s the only thing keeping you together.

It’s watching out a window

And realizing that

Even though there are a billion people in the world

Not a single one cares if you’re there.

Cares if you’re not there.

No.

True loneliness is numbing.

Loud.

It’s in the pit of your stomach.

Even though you are surrounded by people

At school

At work

It wouldn’t make any difference if you weren’t there.

It’s numbing.

I should know.

Amanda

I originally published a different poem here but then realized I published that poem a few weeks ago, so I made this one up off the top of my head.

 

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CHANGE

I turned the doorknob;
Took a breath;
The door opened.
Memories swooshed by.
Some hugged me;
Some pinched me;
Some grabbed me ’round the neck.
Everything reminded me of
Something.
The musty smells percolated
In the air–
They smelled of bonds, of chains, of work.
Everything felt
Grimy,
Left traces of tawny color
Across my fingers.
I remembered the last time I was here.
I may have been shorter
(Not by much).
I was more innocent–
Believed there was good in everyone;
Saw the best in places where there was none.
Now I’ve
Changed.
I’m slightly broken,
Slightly bruised.
I’m not innocent.
I see more bad than good.
The childish optimism has been doused
In the water of
Reality.

But
As I see the dust in the corner
Where there was once a Christmas tree
And paint splatters in the
Shadows of my little brother’s footsteps,
I think of how I’ve also changed
For good.
Because I left this tin can behind
I could scrape up the ashes of my childhood,
Continue in what would’ve been
Had I never stepped foot in this place.
I met the person
That changed my life.
Like dominoes
Their presence changed me forever.
They softened my edges,
Gave me confidence
In the face of those
Who didn’t and never would believe in me.
They never gave up on me,
Always thought I could do it.

Their eyes shone with the optimism
I had lost
So long ago.

And I believed
Again.

I believed people could be good.
I’d thought I could never trust again;
I’d almost locked myself away,
Gave up on humanity.

But that person brought me back.

Unlocked my coffin,
Made the sun shine.
They opened the blinds
When I’d nearly
Shut them fast.

But what will I do
If they shut them again?

Amanda